her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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