I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
