he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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