Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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