walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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