You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize