Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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