a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am available for nakedness
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
