Can Purell be used as lube?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Someone came in the potted fern
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
