So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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