Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
