Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
