the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
