My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
