It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
