so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
