Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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