My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
