And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
