Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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