Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
