I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize