wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My ass is underappreciated
I have fence marks all over my body
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
