hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My cat gives me a boner
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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