Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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