Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
