i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
