What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
