but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
