You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize