Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just tell him i said nine months
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
