every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
