You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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