the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
