You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
