If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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