I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
