Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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