Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
