Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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