Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
