They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
