love makes seman taste better
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
