So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
only you would photoshop your dick
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
