just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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