he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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