Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
