i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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