i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
