wanna go halves on a baby?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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