Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
