We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
