dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
