Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Randomize
