That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
