Cold hands, warm shart.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
