Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
