Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
