I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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