Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize