I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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