He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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