How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
