i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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