there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
