well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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