I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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